Death in Several Different Forms
by GimmeSomeSolace
Summary: When Will finally gets up the nerve to ask Nico out, his friends decide that they should give Will "The Talk". Will is surprised by the creative death threats of Nico's friends... but, then again, he's also absolutely freaking terrified.
1. Chapter 1

_Will got down on one knee, looking up at Nico._

_ "Nico di Angelo… will you go out with me?"_

_ Nico promptly slugged him on the shoulder. _

_ "Idiot." He snarled, but the effect was ruined somewhat by the smile he was trying to hide. Will rubbed his shoulder._

_ "Ow! Don't hurt the healer!" He yelped. Nico just smirked. "So… am I sensing a yes here?"_

_ "Fine." Nico crossed his arms. "But… I'm warning you. News travels fast in CHB. And… I've made some overprotective friends. Watch your back. I figured I should warn you." Will rolled his eyes and laughed._

_ "I'll be fine! Don't worry about me." He laced his fingers into Nico's. "After all, now I have a terrifying son of Hades to protect me, huh?"  
><em>

* * *

><p>"Will." Reyna sat next to him, placing the china plate she had next to him and swinging her legs over the bench. "You're going out with Nico, correct?" Will stopped eating his pizza.<p>

"Um… yes, Reyna." She nodded, like she expected that answer.

"I am a praetor. I have friends in places you can't imagine. I lead a camp of blood-thirsty demigods. They do whatever I say. Do you get the gist?" Reyna smiled sweetly, her cake still lying, untouched, in front of her. Will nodded, wide eyed.

"Yes, Reyna."

"Good." She stood up. "Enjoy your dinner." Will looked down at his other untouched piece of pizza. He decided it was a safe choice to sacrifice it to his dad.

* * *

><p>"Will!" Percy bounced up beside him, clapping him on the shoulder. "What's up?" Will knew he looked a little shell-shocked.<p>

"I was just… um, nothing. How are you?" Percy's easy smile disappeared.

"Nothing? Shouldn't you be with Nico? For all you know, he could have broken his arm." Will's eyes widened in panic for the second time today. "Go find him!" Percy urged. "And by the way, Nico is the best thing that will _ever_ happen to you. And if you hurt him, physically _or _mentally, I will drown you in nectar and let Mrs. O'Leary use you as a chew toy." Will nodded.

"OK." Percy's smile was instantly back.

"And congrats!" He skipped away, leaving a flabbergasted Will in his wake.

* * *

><p>"Will Solace." He looked up from his job of pouring nectar into battlefield canteens, just in case a spur-of-the-moment attack came on. He typically didn't mind this job, but Percy's words kept running through this head.<p>

"Hi, Annabeth." He said, glad to put down his his measuring beaker. "How are you?" She casually slid out her knife, dousing it in a canteen of nectar and wiping it down with a spare bandage. She stuck it in the table abruptly.

"You know how I'm designing Olympus?" Will shrunk in his chair. She was speaking in the sweet-as-pie tone that always went with a murderous glare. "Well, I won't be done for a few years. And if you so much as give Nico a papercut, I will fillet you with my knife and seal you up in the statue of Hades he asked me to build."

"Yes, ma'am." He squeaked.

* * *

><p>"Will!" He turned, hand inching to his knife, to see a happy Piper bouncing up towards him. "Hi!"<p>

"Hi…" Will said cautiously. "Why are you here?" She laughed, a bubbling noise rolling from her mouth. Her tone seemed candy-coated, almost.

"I'm just here to tell you I'm so glad you're with Nico. And, by the way, you're going to tell him every day what a wonderful boyfriend he is, right?" Will could tell something was wrong with her voice. It sounded so… different. Thick. Drenched with honey.

"Yes, Piper," He said, his head swimming. She continued.

"And as for you, you _will_ be the best boyfriend in the history of the world." Her voice lost the sweetness. "And if you hurt him in _any_ way possible, I will personally come and charmspeak you into standing in front of the archery target while I shoot pineapples at you, close range, with my cornucopia." Will scurried off.

* * *

><p>"Hello." Will looked up nervously from cutting bandages. Jason was standing, arms crossed, eyes hard as sapphires.<p>

"Hi, Jason," Will managed. He cut straight to the chase.

"If you do something, _anything,_ to upset Nico, whether it be accidental or on purpose, I will personally fly you a mile over the Grand Canyon and drop you in." His voice lowered as he smacked his hand on the table and leaned closer. "And trust me, I speak from experience, it is _not_ fun to fall down the Grand Canyon." Will nodded for what seemed like the fourth time that day.

"OK, Jason," He was able to say.

"Good." Jason said simply.

* * *

><p>"Will!" Will yelped, and scrambled away from the Iris message. Leo was standing there, his arm tightly around a girl with some foreign look to her. Egyptian… Greek? Whatever she was, Leo was looking at her like she hung the moon, and by the way she carried herself, she knew it.<p>

"Leo… what are you?" Will carefully sat back down, staring at the message.

"I'm on Ogygia!" Leo yelled, causing the girl next to him to laugh in surprise at his sudden intensity and bump him with her hip.

"That's… wonderful! You're alive!" Will would have hugged him, but he knew Leo would disperse if he did.

"Yeah! I convinced Aphrodite to give me an unlimited supply of drachmas, and Calypso and I are _rollin' in the gold,_ man." He looked at her with soft eyes.

"Leo, get back to the main point. Will surely doesn't have forever," She chided him gently.

"Oh, yeah! Will!" Leo's expression didn't change. "I sent Festus to spy on camp and come back with all the gossip. If you hurt a certain scrawny son of Hades, Festus will bring you to me and I will take it from there. And…" He turned to Calypso, who cheerfully continued the threat.

"Will, on Ogygia, no one ever dies." Will whimpered. The couple waved at him.

"Tell Jason I'm alive!" Leo yelled as the connection broke, leaving Will with a sense of panic building in his chest and the numerous death threats he had received today running through his head.

* * *

><p>The second happy couple to terrify him was in the shape of his sister and her boyfriend.<p>

"Will!" Hazel hugged him carefully, and stepped back, her hair blowing in the sea breeze that always seemed to come from Percy's cabin. "I'm so happy for you two!" Frank looked a little lost without her, but as soon as she stepped back again, his arm encircled his rightful place around her.

"Hazel, you might want to cover your ears," Frank warned, shooting daggers at Will. Hazel's smiled continued unfailingly.

"Actually, I want to take this." She looped her own arm around Frank. "My boyfriend can turn into a hippo, an elephant, and anything else you can imagine." She leaned closer, tugging Frank with her. "So, if you screw this up, I will personally relay to him whatever form I want him to become. Understood?" Will had the urge to take a leaf out of her book and fan himself.

"Understood." He breathed.

"Wonderful!" Hazel laughed. She rose on tiptoes to open a cabinet, just to have Frank beat her to it and grab a long-necked bottle by the cap. Will stuttered.

"Thank you, but… um… I don't really drink…" Hazel's eyes widened, and she, predictably, started to wave a hand in front of her face unconsciously.

"Gracious! No, certainly not!" Frank handed the bottle to Will, smirking a bit. _Sparkling Grape Juice._ Will groaned. Frank gently placed his hands over Hazel's ears, and leaned closer to Will.

"If I find out, however, that you are encouraging my future step-brother to drink, I will use another method of hurting you that no one else knows about, and personally help Reyna with her own method of torture." He cracked open the drink and poured Will about the amount a fly would drink.

"Cheers!" Hazel clinked glasses with both of them, and they drank, Will still a bit unnerved by the murderous glances Frank kept shooting him.

* * *

><p>Will stared, uncomprehendingly, at the Hunters. All of them were wearing silver shirts with two pictures- one of him, one of Nico. Each advertised, <em>Team Nico!<em> splashed across the front in purple lettering. Thalia lead the group with her _Death to Barbie_ t-shirt.

"Listen, Solace," Thalia grabbed his shirt, pulling him close to her. "Look at all these girls. These _teenage girls _who have joined a group that, frankly, hates boys. Look at _all these girls_ who all have an unlimited supply of arrows. They have made t-shirts in favor of you. Almost every single one of them started crying when they heard you finally got up the nerve to ask di Angelo out on a date. So, in essence, these are all hormonal, teenage girls, who are dead shots with their ever-lasting arrows, who have their heart set on you and Nico living happily ever after in a fairy tale palace. I will let your pea-sized brain work out what will happen to you."

* * *

><p>"Will!" Nico smiled at seeing him. "How was your day?" Will dropped to his knees, rocking back and forth.<p>

"Grape juice… statue… praetor… arrows… nectar... death… Grand Canyon…" He babbled. Nico's eye narrowed.

"They are so dead." And with that, he stormed off towards camp, sword clanking angrily.


	2. Chapter 2

**Someone requested another chapter for this… and, my will being a basket woven out of rainbows filled with kittens, I could not resist. Seriously. I am a complete pushover.**

"Hazel was _awesome_!" Frank was singing his girlfriends praises louder than Apollo sang Taylor Swift. "She was all like, _If you screw this up, I will set my boyfriend on you_. And-" Percy interrupted.

"Whoa, Hazel, you said _screw this up_? You're finally becoming a normal teen!" Percy put up his hand to high-five, but Hazel studied it, puzzled, and touched her hand to his palm, like an old-fashioned knight.

"No, she isn't." Piper was lounging in a blue plush chair, Annabeth perched on the arm of it. "But personally, I think her old-fashioned mannerism-thingys are cool." Hazel's cheeks flushed, and Annabeth looked at her with an _I'm sorry, the best you can do is let her run through her reference (which is sure to come any minute now) and change the subject as soon as possible _looke. Piper pointed at her with a pencil, and continued the teasing in a friendly way. "See? I almost expect her to start quoting Shakespeare. _Oh, dark night, thy sober-suited matron all in black, __hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks!_" Piper laughed. "I skipped over the part where Juliet was talking about losing her vir-" Frank, again, covered Hazel's ears.

"Shush!" He hissed. Reyna looked slightly uncomfortable, pulling out her flawless braid and redoing it the exact same way.

"Annabeth," Percy begged. "Tell the threat _you_ used again!" Annabeth rolled her eyes.

"I simply warned him that if he hurt Nico in any way, shape, or form, I would stuff him into the statue of Hades I'm designing for the garden." Everyone except Leo's Iris message burst into applause. Leo instead pulled Calypso tighter and snorted.

"You're putting a statue of _Hades_ in the _garden?_ Let me guess, you're going to grow pomegranates around the statue, too." Piper swept her hands in a wide arc, nearly hitting the shimmering patch of air Leo and Calypso were occupying.

"Guys, guys! Don't fight, or I'll-" She lowered her voice into a threatening growl- "Turn my cornucopia on you. And you know what that means…" Hazel proudly took up her role and ticked off her fingers. One, two, three…

"PINEAPPLES!" They all yelled, Percy collapsing onto his bed in laughter. Even Reyna had a tinge of smile around her lips, and sat less primly on her midnight blue chair.

"That will seriously _never_ get old." Leo gasped out, Calypso rolling her eyes beside him. A cold voice spoke from the corner of the room, causing everyone to jump.

"Really? Because right now, my boyfriend is hiding behind the Apollo cabin, babbling about how Annabeth was going to turn him into a statue." Everyone stared guiltily at Nico, who seemed a second away from pulling out Backbiter and chopping them into little bits.

"Neeks!" Leo smiled nervously. "What up, man? I'm not dead! Yay!" Nico glared at him.

"Mm. Yes. I assumed you were not dead, as Will was also telling me about the island of immortality where Leo would burn him for eternity. Will is happy-go-lucky, slightly naive, and filled with the determination that the sun conquers all, whether it be love, hate, or anything in between, but he is not the type to suddenly hallucinate all of my friends warning him that they have to treat me right or answer to them." Leo looked like he was going to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West into a puddle of black goo on the sand. Calypso was twining her hair through her fingers, absentmindedly weaving it together in a complicated looking pattern.

"Callie," Leo hissed, "Remember what happened last time you did that?" Calypso blinked and snapped out of it, turning back to Nico and unraveling the stitches quickly.

"We had to cut it out with scissors," She explained apologetically. "I'm a bit _too_ good at weaving. And we're sorry, it's just that Leo's told me _so much_ about you, and I care about you as much as these people do, and if this boy hurts you…" Nico's glare didn't soften much, turning from granite to limestone, but it calmed a bit. Then it came surging back, double force.

"Setting an entire legion on him, Reyna? Really? And you, Frank!" Frank looked scared, pulling Hazel closer for protection. "A dragon?" Nico shook his head in disgust. "You're ridiculous. _All_ of you. I know you care about me, but… drowning him in his own nectar? That' just dramatic, Percy. I think you were going for funny story to tell friends and not so much intimidation factor." Percy plucked at the hem of his shirt. No one met Nico's eyes except Calypso and Reyna.

"Nico, we're doing it for you." Calypso said evenly. "Piper made sure Will'd be the best boyfriend in the world! Aren't you glad about that? Boys can be idiots sometimes. A _lot_ of times." Leo pushed her, causing her to fall into the sand.

"Hey!" She sputtered, long dress preventing her from standing. "Not fair!"

"Take that back!" He pretended to be mad, turning away. However, within two seconds, he had pulled her up for a kiss. She giggled, relenting, and draped her arm around his waist. He pulled a sprig of forget-me-not from his pocket and tucked it into her hair, both staring at each other dreamily, which would have brought on a chorus of _awwwww_s if Nico's glare hadn't tripled in intensity.

"Piper McLean!" He snapped, breaking Leo and Calypso out of the dream world they had entered. "You go _right now_ and un-charmspeak him. For God's sake, charmspeak should be used to make enemies leave you alone, not telling people what to do!" Calypso murmured softly,

"For Piper 'tis rather similar." Leo tapped his thumb on her hand in an odd beat, like Morse code.

"Honey, you're slipping back into old fashioned speak again." Calypso winced.

"Yeah, Piper's Romeo and Juliet references bring it out occasionally." Nico groaned.

"Romeo and Juliet? Are you really comparing Will and I to-" Hazel put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Actually, they were talking about me. We're not that mean, don't worry! Piper decided that it would be funny if she quoted some… awkward lines from Juliet." Frank's eyes widened.

"Hazel! I thought I covered your ears during the part that Piper told us what she cut out! You heard that?" Nico's face grew murderous. He advanced on Frank, pulling Backbiter out of it's sheath.

"You want to make my sister commit _suicide?_" He hissed, pressing the tip to Frank's arm. Frank looked duly terrified, mumbling apologies and prayers mixed into each other.

"Nico, Nico!" Hazel ran to put herself between the tip of the blade and Frank. Nico instantly lowered it, and pulled his sister into a hug. She broke away and tried to explain, "No! It was just because I was… it wasn't like that. Don't worry, and please," She gulped. "Please don't hurt him. I doubt Will would be willing to patch him up after… what we said."

"Yes, he would!" Nico shouted. Everyone examined their hands very closely. "That's the thing about Will. You can threaten him, and scare him, and give him creative death ideas for hours. But he'll still fix you up if you need it! He doesn't hold grudges!" Piper tiptoed back in, looking unsure if she wanted back in this conversation.

"I unfixed him," Piper told Nico, sighing a bit. "He's back to normal. You should have kept him perfect. I thought of everything!" Nico ignored her. Everyone was staring at his sword, which was not anywhere near it's sheath. Each of them was very obviously praying he'd put it away before one of them was killed. The only ones looking comfortable were Calypso and Leo, since they were far, far away in a nice little island filled with flowers and nothing remotely dangerous except for forks.

"And you know what?" Nico continued, shooting daggers at everyone. "None of _Will's _friends have threatened _me _with drowning, or burning, or being made into a statue." He addressed Percy, Leo, and Annabeth specifically. Percy, like an idiot, chose to chime in helpfully.

"That's because Will's different than you. You can't hurt someone mentally. You're not built for it. You'd never leave him brokenhearted, because I don't htink you physically can!" He said brightly, ignoring Annabeth's hiss of "_Seaweed Brain!"_ Nico glared at Percy, causing him to shrink into Annabeth, who promptly got up and sat on the floor next to Reyna, causing Percy to fall over. "Hey." He mumbled, pushing himself back up."

"I'm not going to even respond to that. Anyway, are you all _very, very _sorry?" Everyone murmured affirmative. "And you're all going to find Will and _tell_ him you're very, very sorry?" Everyone nodded again. "Good. Now, Piper," Nico rounded on her. She tried to look very, very small, eyes focused on Backbiter. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, he put it away. "What was Will's reaction when you threatened him with Pineapplecide?" He reached for a chip, courtesy of Piper's cornucopia, and popped it in his mouth, settling in for a long day of storytelling. Piper blinked.

"Um, Nico? Will's hiding behind the cabin, and in the state I left him, you might want to check the woods... Also, you might want to go tell him we aren't going to… yeah." Nico jumped up.

"Oh, crap." Nico darted out the door, calling his boyfriend's name frantically. Everyone exhaled.

"Thanks, Piper," Leo told her gratefully. "Nico didn't even hear the worst of it. Did anyone tell him about the hormonal teenage girls that would attack Will if he messed this up?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Will screamed, jumping from behind the bed and sprinting from the cabin. Everyone stared.

"Did… how long was he there?"  
>"I don't think we want to know, Leo," Calypso said, shaking her long head of caramel hair. "I don't think we want to know."<p> 


End file.
